Fake It Till You Make It: Climbing the Inner Mountain

Reflections on our sangha movement class exploring the mountain climb and my love for the Performativity Paradox!

These past weeks we’ve been exploring and reflecting on the metaphor of the mountain, inspired by Julius Evola’s book Meditations on the Peaks.

Treating the mountain and the expedition of climbing a mountain as a metaphor, we have been reflecting on the parallels between the physical challenges of climbing the peaks and the inner challenge of conquering the Self. To aid in this exploration—with Shunyamurti’s guidance—I facilitated a movement class for the community, where we gathered together and enacted the ascent of the mountain using a range of exercises.

As the groundwork for the class, we first reviewed the principles of Laban—a movement system that maps out the fundamental elements of human movement: space, time, weight, and flow. I find this type of self-exploration very useful because it allows one to experience the whole spectrum of movement and therefore access areas of movement perhaps less developed or latent. It can also highlight movement patterns one might be stuck in. It is my understanding that embedded in all our movements and expressions are millions of messages, which may be picked up consciously or unconsciously by those around us, setting in motion a feedback loop that greatly affects our experience and our relationships with others.

Tara takes Nirgun through the Laban efforts.

Ascending the Mountain

Moving on to our ascent up the mountain, using music to evoke certain feeling states, we began at base camp where we enacted qualities relating to being at the periphery of the mountain—fragmented with indecision, fearful yet looking onward with anticipation.

From there, we got to support and witness our comrades take the plunge into the ascent. We all stood and watched the momentum build as those who had the courage to go first inspired others to follow.

Of course, the journey could not be without some nail-biting and treacherous aspects, and so, with the aid of a “follow the leader” exercise, the group moved in unison among the dangerous crevices of the mountain face, thousands of feet high, where, to quote Evola:

“It feels like an abyss is going to open up under one’s feet... It sparks the awakening of a primordial, marvelous, and frightening sensation that is dormant in very archaic recesses of our nature.”

The final stage of our ascent was that ultimate destination—reaching the summit. Here we got to enact and experience a state of euphoria, a transcendence of the body: in the world but not of it, an at-oneness with the mountain, a total lightness of being, where, to share Evola’s experience,

“...the memory of every concern and activity of the life of the plains fades away like an echo... a different sense of self sets in and it becomes increasingly difficult to identify oneself with that hard, closed, and ephemeral shell.”

The Performativity Paradox

The experience for me, observing the sangha go through this meta-journey, was very uplifting. The final climax at the summit filled the room with such palpable elation that I truly felt we had gone through a rite of passage, even if it was an imaginary one.

I know that transcending the ego and conquering the Self is going to take more than evocative music and wild imagination. However, coming together as a community in this way is always an uplifting and bonding experience.

For me, these theatrical explorations take us out of our day-to-day mode of relating to one another and transport us to a unique shared space where we can play, loosen up, and enact our higher Self in a playful manner that naturally brings laughter, camaraderie, and connection.

To shed light on how my love for performance and the spiritual path have collided, it began when I was introduced to the idea that I was not merely the ego with its behavior patterns and impulses, but that there is also a Higher Self.

This ignited the imagination and desire to discover more of the depths of my being beyond the surface.

I recalled my theatre training where I learned how to create a character through embodying different ways of moving, holding oneself, and relating to others. I thought, “If I can do that for a play, perhaps I can use the same techniques to embody the qualities of my Higher Self.”

Then came my favorite Sat Yoga concept: The Performativity Paradox.

Simply put: Fake it till you make it.

Or in other words: What one performs, one becomes.

When I contemplate the Higher Self, I think of qualities such as elegance, gentleness, flow, strength, peacefulness, grace, and compassion.

Perhaps because I am in a female form, these qualities naturally arise in this way, and so I enjoy practicing movements that embody them.

When I do, I feel more centered, more loving, and more harmonious in my relationships.

Unfortunately, when I observe some of the patterns and habits I have become trapped in, I see that they are not always harmonious. Sometimes they manifest as passive aggressiveness, aloofness, indirectness, or weakness—qualities that limit growth and the capacity to be responsible and loving.

By consciously “performing” more open, courageous, loving, and integrated qualities, the hope is that eventually the performer and the role merge.

Just as a great actor masters a role so completely that it becomes second nature, perhaps one day I too will permanently embody that elegant, flowing, strong, peaceful Goddess of Compassion—a Bodhisattva such as Tara.

Indeed, that is one reason for taking such a spiritual name: to remain inspired by a beautiful archetypal role model and continually grow toward the highest possibility of Being.

Blessings to all beings.

Namaste,
Tara